Shattered

A creature created from the earth, living with borrowed breaths from the Sculptor. Her heart is weak, and her flesh is ever more so. How does a creation with these qualities come to gain so much pride?

She had asked for brokenness. She had asked for a glimpse of His heart for His people, for the students He’s blessed her with this summer. He hears her prayers, and He answers in His time.

His time came a few hours ago. In fellowship with the body, she felt the weight upon her heart called “conviction.” She wasn’t giving her all, and she’d known it for some time. Going through the motions and giving only half her heart.

But no one can survive with half a heart. In order to have life, it must be whole. No one can love with half a heart. It is all or nothing. Completely devoted or completely not.

Her hardened heart was shattered in the most remarkable way. While gathering to pray, she suddenly experienced it: a glimpse of His heart for His children.

Oh, how beautiful is His love and how perfect. A love that He wants to flood into His creation. A bigger glimpse into the heart of God to see the great love He has for the young lives He’s entrusted her with this summer.

His heart breaks for the lost, and she thinks of the lives and the faces she comes in contact with everyday. A glimpse of His love for them, His desire for them, His jealousy for them, His heart for them was all she could take. To have taken the entirety of His overflowing emotions for them would render her to her knees and flood her with great longing and heartbreak.

Her doubts have been washed away. This return shook her confidence. Is she truly meant to return after finishing her educational responsibilities?

The crash of her shattered pride and broken heart tells her yes. Her Father has shown her this night that He is not a God of confusion. He is the Good Shepherd, and she is one in His flock. This night, she can have confidence through Him that she will return here in His time, that she will go where she belongs, where He calls her to in His time.

A glimpse of His heart. To see and experience the intensity of His love shook her to the core.

All this time, she could’ve done so much more. Yet now, she has only four days left at her school with her students. What will she do?

Give me a tender and malleable heart, that I may love them with all that I am and give them the best for what’s left of the time we have together and after. If I leave without having a relationship with these students, then this entire summer was in vain.

Let my love overflow. Fill me that I may have what I need in order to pour into them and be fed as well.

This is the day her God gave her the gift of the answer she’d been waiting to know.

Tuesday 27 July 2010 – 12:54am Hong Kong

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Break

Isaiah to the modern world is a great prophet, well known as a man of righteousness. Yet in the sixth chapter of his book, he cried out, “Woe to me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.”

Isaiah beheld the glory of the Lord as a broken and sinful man, whose skin was made of the dirt of the earth, whose breath was bestowed by a Creator so humble, so loving, that He knelt in the dirt and pressed His lips against it and breathed His breath into it to give it life. And Isaiah expected to die as his unholiness came in contact with the holiness of the LORD of hosts. To his lips a piece of burning coal was touched in order to take away his iniquity and forgive his sin.

We gaze at one another with judgment in our eyes. We look upon one another with wrath behind our masks. We glare with a venom more deadly than a serpent’s.

But what are we? Are we not but men and women of unclean lips living among other men and women of unclean lips?

He has refined us, though not as silver. He has tested us in the furnace of affliction.

We should be on our faces before the Creator of the universe, realizing our own iniquities and exactly how much we don’t deserve to kneel, let alone stand, in His presence. And reveling in the power of His gift, of His grace.

For all who call ourselves disciples of the Most High, my prayer is harsh, but it is my conviction. I pray that we will be broken. Completely and utterly shattered before our Beloved. That we may truly, truly see our unworthiness and see His grace shine hundred-fold. That we may give glory to Him because He finished the work and reached His hand out to us. That we may stop seeing each other through filtered and broken lenses. And I pray that we will be touched with burning hot coals and tested in the furnace of affliction. In order to see our brokenness. In order to see His glory. In order to be blameless in His sight.

Make me ready for the fires. And let me revere You in all of my brokenness. Let me see You as I’ve never seen You before. Break me and touch me with burning coals that I may stand before you redeemed and forgiven. Break me so that I will not look upon my brother or sister with a plank in my eye and proceed to dislodge a speck. Humble me, beautiful One, that I may truly love my neighbor as You have loved me.

Ruin me for the ordinary.

Break me that I may be of use to You.

Tuesday 13 July 2010 – 1:58 am Hong Kong

Here Am I

The beauty of Hong Kong is eluding. Here it is, yet still so far away. Beneath my feet and 7,254 miles away from home. Here and now, stepping on its soil (or concrete, if you will) and yet two more years away.

In a city filled with lights and buildings that stretch toward the heavens, the darkness looms among its streets and alleys. Yet the LORD is Adonai even in this place.

His presence in His people is not something to be comprehended or taken advantage of but rather to be revered. His glory dwelled in a box in old times. A very beautiful box, but yet it was still a box. Why did He choose to travel in a box? And one that only takes two people to lift and move?

Why does He choose now to dwell and travel in the hearts of His people? Fragile skin made of the dust of the earth. Within its fleshy confines, rests the glory of the Lord Almighty. Is it not humbling?

The Word of the Lord, the glory of His Name is not meant to sit silent and immovable. It is meant to be carried across distant lands and told to His creation. This is proof of His love for us that He should make us holy that He may dwell in us.

A creature of unclean lips, dwelling among a people of unclean lips. Touch burning coal to my lips and take away my iniquity and forgive my sin. Make me holy and send me, Lord, to these people. This summer and in the future.

Here am I.

Grow even the smallest amount of faith I can muster. Let me gather faith the size of a mustard seed from within my heart. And let my feet run the race, my hands touch the hearts, and my mouth speak Your love.

Here am I.

Sunday 11 July 2010 – 7:52pm Hong Kong