America, the……. i dunno

I’m still more or less a little weirded out by being back in So Cal. I feel so out of place still. O.o Being in Arcadia and Alhambra was nice yesterday. O.o Lots of Chinese people. Jennifer’s church was very nice and the people….. very weird. =P Much like me. hahaha.

I’ve noticed, though, that I’ve been much more aggressive towards Americans as of late. Especially Americans who are either ignorant of racial issues or think they know more about Asian culture than they really do. I snapped at an ex roommate the other day when she gave bad facts regarding the language to her current roommate. And when she didn’t think that people don’t like Asian singers cuz they’re Asian. It is a proven fact that people will judge by appearance once appearance becomes available. I dunno if that made any sense. O.o I forget who the candidates were and exactly when it happened, but when an older Republican candidate squared against a younger, cuter Democratic over the radio, the listening audience preferred the Republican candidate much better. He’s more eloquent and more experienced as a leader. But when the two squared off on national TV, the viewing audience preferred the Democratic president because he was better looking and everyone knows good-looking people can always be trusted over not as good-looking people.

It’s kinda the same with the singers. People generally like the music I listen to with LeeHom and whatnot, but once they take a look at him, it’s always, “whoa, he’s Asian? I didn’t expect him to be Asian, he doesn’t sound Asian.” He’s still a great singer, right? But you know…… no matter what happens or what they think….. after that, the perspective and their overall outlook and opinion will be tainted by the fact that they just found out he’s Asian.

I really could be just too bitter coming back to So Cal after a month away. I guess….. I’m reminded everyday that I’m Chinese. Current roommates who like to make Asian jokes (even when they’re not funny), and often times…… society at large.

I’m glad we talked about Multiethnic Community last week. It was comforting to know that other people face a lot of racial and ethnic issues. But I think i’m a bit more and sometimes too close-minded. I guess it’s cuz I’m used to having to defend myself and my Chinese-ness often, and I’ve just gotten used to it. It’s hard being Chinese in America sometimes. I think that’s what I feel like. More than being Chinese-American….. I feel like I’m just Chinese in America.

So much to process through! AIYAH. I think I’m going to shoot Eugene an email. O.o

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