difficult to leave an oasis, isn’t it?

Journey’s kinda been put on hold for quite a while. O.o Sorry, readers. =/

Anywhoo…… yep. Lotsa stuff going on. It feels like a lot of things have been thrown at me as of late. A lot of things that require monetary forms of payment. My car is pretty much dead….. or getting there. ::sigh:: Makes me sad that I’m likely going to have to give up Tobias soon. =/ But I need another car. I really do.

I found out that I’m going to need jaw surgery. I apparently have 2 different kinds of bite: open and under. This’ll cause problems in life. But before I can get this taken care of, I’m going to have to get 5 teeth removed (4 wisdoms and 1 extra dermolar that’s growing underneath my permanents). And I think I really wanna be knocked out when that happens. O.o

So I’ve been looking at different medical insurance plans. If I’m going to take care of this, it’s gonna be expensive without. O.o When I have one, I may be able to consult a dermatologist as well.

My voice coach has stopped contacting me since I mentioned the financial burden of fixing my car. I don’t want to think this way, but with this, it makes me feel like he wasn’t really trying to help me at all…….. except that I was paying him to. ::sigh:: I sent him an email, so we’ll figure out if that’s really the case, I guess.

I’ve been trying to run away from music again. I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. And living with 2 roommates in a row that have great voices doesn’t help. But even despite all of this, it’s still what I want to do. I want to sing, play, make music, and tell my story through music. Is it a selfish thing to want? I wonder sometimes……. oftentimes, actually, whether or not this is actually something God has given me, or if it’s simply a pipe dream that I’ve concocted.

So with all these issues…… I guess it’s no wonder I’ve been reluctant to keep traveling. It’s safe at the oasis…… allbeit, rather dull and unmeaningful. I’ve rested for a very long time, but it’s hard to get myself to want to leave when I’m trying to evade and run from all the problems I know the world’s waiting to throw at me once I leave.

But alas…… I guess it’s time to go. Baby steps. I’m taking one step out of this safe haven, and I’m going to trust that He’ll be there to clear the way and make it ready for me to walk on. I’ve missed Him…… even though you can’t tell half of the time. =/

keep rooting for me. 🙂

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