how does it come to this???

soooooo…….. after college hopping many times and thinking I might’ve found where I’m going to graduate from………. I’m transferring again. -_____-;; yepp….. after exploring Hope for a year and receiving enough aggravation from them to cover 10 years, I’m thinking it’d actually be smarter to transfer to CSUF.

I can’t even touch my major courses right now — not because I’m not at the right level, rather because of the other courses Hope requires. I’d always said that I’d probably graduate 2010, but I really think that was wishful thinking on my part. Looking at it on paper and thinking about it more……. I’d be lucky if I can graduate 2011 or 2012. O.O

BUT! The catch is, I have to be able to transfer in a Critical Thinking class before CSUF will take me. Which I think is REALLY weird since I’m already a student there. O.o Technically.

SO! I’m probably going to transfer BACK to FJC and then transfer to CSUF. Cuz I could take the classes I’m scheduled for and build up more credits that don’t go anywhere and pay a substantial amount of money……. or go to FJC, take the GE courses I need, and finish my degree at CSUF.

It’s a long and complicated process, and I think I may just ask my advisor…… even though afterwards, she wouldn’t be my advisor. O.o ::sigh::

ARGH! FRUSTRATION!

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difficult to leave an oasis, isn’t it?

Journey’s kinda been put on hold for quite a while. O.o Sorry, readers. =/

Anywhoo…… yep. Lotsa stuff going on. It feels like a lot of things have been thrown at me as of late. A lot of things that require monetary forms of payment. My car is pretty much dead….. or getting there. ::sigh:: Makes me sad that I’m likely going to have to give up Tobias soon. =/ But I need another car. I really do.

I found out that I’m going to need jaw surgery. I apparently have 2 different kinds of bite: open and under. This’ll cause problems in life. But before I can get this taken care of, I’m going to have to get 5 teeth removed (4 wisdoms and 1 extra dermolar that’s growing underneath my permanents). And I think I really wanna be knocked out when that happens. O.o

So I’ve been looking at different medical insurance plans. If I’m going to take care of this, it’s gonna be expensive without. O.o When I have one, I may be able to consult a dermatologist as well.

My voice coach has stopped contacting me since I mentioned the financial burden of fixing my car. I don’t want to think this way, but with this, it makes me feel like he wasn’t really trying to help me at all…….. except that I was paying him to. ::sigh:: I sent him an email, so we’ll figure out if that’s really the case, I guess.

I’ve been trying to run away from music again. I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. And living with 2 roommates in a row that have great voices doesn’t help. But even despite all of this, it’s still what I want to do. I want to sing, play, make music, and tell my story through music. Is it a selfish thing to want? I wonder sometimes……. oftentimes, actually, whether or not this is actually something God has given me, or if it’s simply a pipe dream that I’ve concocted.

So with all these issues…… I guess it’s no wonder I’ve been reluctant to keep traveling. It’s safe at the oasis…… allbeit, rather dull and unmeaningful. I’ve rested for a very long time, but it’s hard to get myself to want to leave when I’m trying to evade and run from all the problems I know the world’s waiting to throw at me once I leave.

But alas…… I guess it’s time to go. Baby steps. I’m taking one step out of this safe haven, and I’m going to trust that He’ll be there to clear the way and make it ready for me to walk on. I’ve missed Him…… even though you can’t tell half of the time. =/

keep rooting for me. 🙂

thoughts of the unconscious mind

I’ve been having the most bizarre dreams as of late.

I got attacked in my car in one of them. You know how in horror movies, someone’s in the backseat hiding out and then once you stop, they attack you from behind? Yeah, that happened. I woke up breathing very heavily.

Two nights ago, I dreamt that a friend of mine died. I was rushing to him, but when I got there, a girl said something along these lines: “It’s 12:01. He died at 12:00.” When I flashbacked in the dream, she said 11:50. But either way, I was too late. And I think it was Mike Allen. And that scared me a lot.

Last night, I dreamed of a guy getting possessed. It was very vivid, but I’m not quite sure I can recall all of the details. I was one of the people trying to figure out what was going on and how to get him unpossessed. O.o There was one part where I was looking at a big stone slab. There was one piece that was shoved in, but there were 2 other symbols next to it, and they were both empty. So I guess something or another was supposed to go in there and stop the demon. I vaguely recall a guy that had those pieces.

The last scene before I woke up was a scene with the possessed guy and his son. He was sitting with his son after he started to kind of realize what was going on. It looked like he was behind a podium for a press conference, and the demon was going crazy in him. At the end of the speech, a lightbulb kinda came on. He was normal for a little bit. The son was poking at his face and recalling all the times he used to do that when he was a kid. The guy was smiling but really sad because he couldn’t really be with his son.

I had another dream when I fell back asleep, but I can’t recall it at all. I remember being totally terrified, though. O.o

::sigh::

very strange.