one life to live

It’s funny how so many of my lessons I learn through video games. O.o

So one of the greatest games ever is Final Fantasy VII. It’s also got one of the most tragic stories.

Cloud Strife is the main character. He kinda had an identity crisis where he thought he was Zack at one point. Well, Zack was the guy that befriended him and took him under his wing when he became part of Soldier. (He also looks eerily like Cloud except with dark hair.) When Zack died, Cloud promised he would live out both their lives for them.

But by doing so, he can’t live out either of their lives.

Cloud can’t be with Tifa, whom he loves, because he has to live Zack’s life, and Zack’s girl is dead. (not sure if Cloud really had a thing for her, too, or not. O.o I choose to believe that he loves Tifa most, though. =D)

And I realized this for my life. If I continue to try to live out my mom’s life with mine, I can’t live for either of us. I can’t live. Period.

And it’s not like she really needs me to live out her life. She’s living it perfectly fine, even though she could do better. -____-;; But I can’t take it away from her that she’s living her life.

So I guess it’s long overdue that I live mine.

I tried to max out my hours for my school job. I was thinking that I wanted to work a full 8 hour shift on Fridays, but as I thought about it last night… this is exactly why I quit Disney. I’m worrying about how crazy it’s going to be and how I’m going to be able to make ends meet. This was the reason why I was called to surrender. I’m supposed to be living by faith, but if I kept going with this, I would’ve done the workaholic thing all over again and tried to be self-sufficient.

I did need more hours than I was working previously. Nine hours a week on minimum wage was not going to cut it. But right now, I’m working about 17 hours a week, which I still need to penny pinch, but it’s definitely better.

Anywhoo… yep. I guess that was a little sidequest. 🙂

Cloud is a pretty awesome character, but a duty and promise he placed on himself bound him, and wherever he went, sorrow followed him. I think in Advent Children, he might’ve finally let go (I think that’s what the wolf showing up 3 times was supposed to symbolize), but who knows.

I just know that I want to start living my life now.

peace and love.

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