It’s interesting seeing my worlds come together. I love it. I want to embrace it more.

Multnomah had begun to seem more like a memory that’s been growing more and more distant, and it makes me sad because I love that school. I love the people. I miss it so much sometimes, especially when I look at a bit of the depravity I see in this school. But the grass is always greener on the other side. Multnomah is not perfect, but there was something about it that made me feel more protected and positive.

Amanda and Beatrice came to visit me for a few days. I’ve really missed them. I don’t know if I really realized just how much until I saw them… until the day before when I realized I was going to be picking them up soon. They had brought a lot of the things I left up there back down to me. It was nice getting my things back, and it was especially nice reminiscing on what they were to me and getting surprises cuz I’d forgotten I had them.

But how many girls can say that she’s got friends that would fly down just to visit her? And it was a huge deal that they brought everything to me cuz that’s asking a LOT.

As I unloaded my things, the line between my life in Oregon, that I seemingly wanted to forget, and my life in California, that I want to just run through and eventually forget, began to blur. And I felt the happiest I’d ever felt in a long time. I embraced the memories that I blamed for my situation and realized just how precious they were to me.

I don’t think I consciously realized that I blamed my year at Multnomah to what’s going on in my life now until last night. And as I look at it now, what tragedy was there? I was meant to be there that year, and God blessed me so many ways because I listened.

Amanda and Beatrice are living proof of that. Aaron, Nate, Steve Day… these people are living proof that I was meant to be there. These people are the gifts God has given me, accountability God had provided for me while I was struggling, blessings God has bestowed on me and given me the privilege to know and love.

It was no mistake. God doesn’t make mistakes. And maybe, like the whole deal with faith and my car, this memory — no, more than a memory– this relationship with me and Multnomah and the people will help me see a little more of God’s sovereignty and faithfulness.

It’s also no mistake for me to be at Hope right now. This is where I need to be, and it really makes it difficult being away from things that I missed. The random memories that we shared these past couple of days really made me see how little I speak of that school and how badly I’d been trying to abandon these memories.

It seems as though I kept the people at Multnomah within that memory. In my eyes, time passes for them like….. I dunno… like an “out of sight, out of mind” type feeling. But I love that the boundaries I created between me and Multnomah have begun to crumble.

Thank you girls for visiting me. I love you so much, and I hope to see you again soon… and maybe one day a little more regularly. 🙂

peace and love.


One thought on “collision

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